I’m studying and giving more attention to the nature of relationships. The ocean is my dominant metaphor. I share a love for the sea with a new friend and at times used words like oceanic, wavy, deep, still and unfathomable to describe the relationship. Reading David Deida’s ‘Blue Truth’ during the relationship reinforced this blue theme.
Now, reflecting on the first three weeks’ of a course on the “Transforming Your Experience of Relationship” the ocean metaphor is there again. I’ve used it to try and illustrate some of the facts and my reflections.

That I relate, to something or another is significant. I am choosing to experience myself as a separate solid object, like an iceberg, and perhaps them too. I could choose to relate to anyone or anything else other than them, or nothing at all. The fact of the choice, to relate to them, in this way, especially if held as meaningful and repeated, is significant.
I can simply notice the truth of who I choose to relate to. I also notice how I choose to experience them, as different to me, superior, inferior, or as though a different beast altogether: I’m like an octopus, you’re like a shark. What does that mean for me, how do those relationships hold me, and do I want to be in different relationships?

In relating my experience / actions / thoughts / feelings to another, I have some model of what those things are and what’s occurring for them. I can notice, inquire, intuit what’s going on for them, the pattens, assumptions, logic and motivation that drive their observable behaviour.
I’ve given less less attention to emotions and their sources and more attention to identity, logics, concepts. In not attending to how they or I are moved to express that feeling means I’ve sort of ‘missed’ a lot of experience and communication. I’ve been somewhat selective, compartmentalised and limited by may own models and that’s limited my ability to get another’s whole experience. Really getting another’s experience isn’t selective, a strategy or tactic. Effective relating can only occur when I have an experience of the others experience. That means training myself to fully feel all of the reactions, emotions, sensations and hear all that’s being communicated without bias or attributing cause. Relating, empathically, compassionately can’t, in the first instance, be ‘selective’.
And, actually I can get another’s experience wholly. I can drop my position as separate and simply get their experience. It will feel different, but if really gotten will be ‘mine’.
I notice I can only get one experience at a time. Experiencing ‘theirs’ as ‘mine’ points to an interesting fact of the choice I make in identification. Who am I?

That we are relating at this time is interesting. Man forces and factors are at play beyond our individual intention and action. While the desire to stay in relationship may be reciprocal, the commitment may not be strong enough or conditions conducive so that it’s improbable or impossible.
Sometimes it’s a mystery, miracle and at other times a deliberate choice or product of swiping selectively through software to find myself intersecting with another’s trajectory.
Who we choose to relate to is who we choose to relate to. Not being in relation, identified as separate is possible. And, actually as a human: I am only here because of the generosity of others, my existence is only meaningful in the context of human culture and I only exist as an identified individual relative to my social relations. And, there is choice there, who and how I relate to. Those choices and relationships affect my experience.

At times I’ve deliberately chosen to dramatically change my geographic location, social circles, activity patterns or online behaviour that’s completed altered my sense of identification. It’s obvious now, as are the implications, for contraction, expansion, life trajectory and identity of moving from London to Geraldton, not staying in touch with friends internationally, deciding not to be on Facebook, taking up climbing etc.. Conscious choices lead to changes in the meaning I make of my existence, who I am in relation, and what’s probable and possible to do and be in relation to other humans.
People can be on, or want to be on different or similar wavelengths. They may moderate each other, amplify each other, or clash rhythmically in a patten of complex seas and cross-currents that’s hard work to swim against. Some people love calm waters, others big waves, others constantly variable conditions. Depends what you are up for.

These illustrations and reflections are useful. To be noticed as always true. And that they depend on a particular conception of oneself. Am I a frozen iceberg, a fluid drop, an ocean, deep blue infinity, or fluidity itself?

Fantastic article Andrew! Love this!
cost viagra – viagra 100mg for sale viagra 100mg england
sildenafil cost – buy viagra 150mg pills viagra 50mg
order generic prednisolone 10mg – order prednisolone generic liquid cialis
cheap prednisolone generic – order gabapentin 600mg online cheap tadalafil 10mg us
augmentin sale – order cialis 5mg pills tadalafil medication
augmentin canada – buy cialis 20mg online order generic tadalafil 5mg
order bactrim generic – best viagra sites online sildenafil overnight shipping
order bactrim 960mg – sildenafil 50mg tablets order sildenafil 150mg pills
cephalexin over the counter – buy cleocin online cheap order erythromycin
purchase cephalexin online – order erythromycin 500mg generic buy erythromycin online cheap
fildena order – sildenafil 100mg brand buy stromectol online uk
sildenafil 100mg brand – cost nolvadex 10mg stromectol 3 mg tablet price
rhinocort buy online – order cialis 10mg online buy generic antabuse 500mg
budesonide medication – rhinocort without prescription brand disulfiram 250mg
ceftin cost – cheap tadalafil for sale buy cialis 10mg online cheap
cefuroxime drug – cialis 10mg cheap buy cialis pill
acillin cost – ciprofloxacin us cialis black
ampicillin 250mg oral – buy ampicillin tadalafil 5mg drug
generic amoxicillin 1000mg – buy amoxil 250mg without prescription buy generic levitra 20mg
amoxicillin 1000mg canada – levitra tablet vardenafil online buy
ivermectin pills human – ivermectin buy canada order levitra generic
stromectol tab 3mg – price of ivermectin tablets brand levitra
doxycycline 100mg cheap – clomiphene 50mg usa cialis tadalafil 10mg
buy doxycycline 100mg pills – buy clomiphene 50mg online buy cialis without prescription
cialis drug – best online pharmacy canada order provigil 100mg for sale
order tadalafil 5mg pills – order tadalafil 20mg for sale buy provigil 100mg pill
buy prednisone 5mg online cheap – isotretinoin 40mg for sale isotretinoin 40mg canada
buy prednisone 10mg pill – erection pills buy accutane online
buy amoxicillin for sale – order zithromax 250mg sale sildenafil 100mg usa
amoxicillin buy online – buy viagra 100mg online cheap sildenafil 100mg usa
order prednisolone generic – cheap prednisolone pill order sildenafil 100mg without prescription
order prednisolone 40mg pill – order prednisolone 10mg for sale sildenafil overnight shipping usa
buy furosemide pills – doxycycline 200mg price stromectol ivermectin buy
furosemide 100mg pill – buy stromectol online purchase stromectol
plaquenil order – buy aralen pill baricitinib 4mg pill
hydroxychloroquine 200mg ca – buy baricitinib generic purchase baricitinib for sale
buy metformin – metformin 1000mg cheap buy amlodipine
metformin without prescription – norvasc ca order norvasc
order generic lisinopril 10mg – buy omeprazole 20mg cost tenormin 100mg
lisinopril 2.5mg price – buy tenormin for sale order atenolol 100mg online cheap
levitra 20mg drug – order clomiphene 100mg online cheap brand clomid 50mg
levitra medication – lyrica order clomid 100mg cheap
order albuterol 4mg online – purchase dapoxetine without prescription cost priligy 60mg
buy ventolin inhalator – buy dapoxetine purchase dapoxetine pill
order synthroid 75mcg generic – cost triamcinolone 10mg plaquenil order online
levothyroxine online buy – order triamcinolone 10mg generic hydroxychloroquine 400mg cheap
order tadalafil 40mg pill – viagra fast shipping cheap viagra tablets
cheap cialis – sildenafil pills 25mg viagra pharmacy
buy deltasone 10mg without prescription – isotretinoin online amoxicillin tablets
order deltasone 40mg for sale – order amoxicillin 250mg order amoxil 1000mg pill
diltiazem cheap – cheap prednisolone tablets purchase gabapentin online
order generic diltiazem – generic prednisolone 10mg gabapentin 600mg without prescription
buy lasix 40mg online – buy generic furosemide buy generic doxycycline
buy lasix online – zyloprim 300mg pill buy doxycycline 200mg generic
order cenforce 50mg generic – zetia generic motilium brand
order generic cenforce 50mg – motilium sale buy domperidone 10mg generic
viagra brand – sildenafil overnight delivery tadalafil price
buy viagra 50mg pills – cialis 20mg us tadalafil usa
modafinil 200mg us – can you buy ed pills online purchase rhinocort for sale
buy generic provigil – deltasone 5mg oral purchase budesonide without prescription
generic accutane 20mg – tetracycline 500mg price purchase tetracycline for sale
buy accutane 10mg generic – purchase amoxicillin generic tetracycline online order
order cyclobenzaprine sale – brand inderal propranolol usa
flexeril 15mg over the counter – buy cyclobenzaprine buy inderal pills
plavix 75mg ca – cost methotrexate buy metoclopramide 20mg online
buy plavix pills – plavix 75mg uk purchase metoclopramide pills